One Year Ago Today...

I had a beautiful baby girl. Matter of fact, I still do. Have a beautiful baby girl, that is. Holy shit.

Then...


Now...



I love the hell out of you, Zee.


The appointment yesterday went well. We're not crazy. She's a bit behind. Nothing insurmountable. We were sent home with some exercises to do with Zee and we have a follow-up in a month. All is good. More details on that later. Today we mostly just enjoyed our little girl. Amazing.

We Always Have a White Christmas and That's Cool, But This Is Ridiculous...

There's really only one reason I'd wake up on a May morning and five minutes after peeling the sleep from mine eyes, throw my arms up and proclaim, "You have GOT to be fucking KIDDING ME, DUDE!"



Who this dude I'm so pissed at is, I have no idea. But come on. At this point, I could do without six inches of snow. Really.

Oh yeah, and half of those beautimous trees in that photo? Must go. Stupid fucking pine beetle. Luckily, all those trees are blocking a pretty cool view, so weeding out a few won't be such a horrible thing. Just, possibly, a horribly time consuming and maybe a little expensive thing. Depending on how many Zube Boy can manage to fall and haul with his big old honking '52 Dodge. Anyway, upset as I might be about the tedious business of removing the trees, I'm of the mind that the pine beetles are nature's last attempt to thin out the forest. We've prevented forest fires for way too long. It's nature's way.

On another note, I sometimes wonder if Eminem, like, throws in one of his cd's every once in a while and cleans out his sock drawer or something. After gazing longingly at pictures of yours truly, of course. I mean, I know he's all famous and shit, but even if I were famous for my voice, I have a feeling I would still probably dial zero for the hotel office with lightning speed because I can't stand the fact that it is my voice on my work's answering machine. "Thank you for calling Blah Blah Management..." AHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's what Zube nightmares are made of, people. If hell is your worst fear, I'd probably have to listen to myself for all of eternity. Every new person we hire, I am the first to announce what a lovely voice they have. I have yet to be successful in passing off this onerous task. I don't know. I was thinking maybe Eminem gets totally over himself, too, and that's one more thing we have in common. In addition to liking the word 'fuck' a lot.

I didn't mean to leave you hanging regarding Zee Baby's little tree trunk legs, but things were up in the air for a bit. We've decidet to take her to The Children's Hospital in Denver next Thursday. The day before her one year birthday. They're going to evaluate her gross motor skills. I'm really not too worried as she's been making her way around pretty well and standing more (with assistance). But it will be nice to have confirmation that there is or isn't a problem. And if there is, we'll work on it. Nothing more to it.

We had her pictures taken for her one year birthday and this is my favorite pose...


The photographer joked that she absolutely had to take one like that because each time she attempted to pose Zee in another manner, Zee defaulted to this one. The photographer said it just seemed to be Zee. And it is. Hence this being my favorite photo of the bunch.

No matter how prepared we are for this evaluation, I've never been one to turn down some good luck wishes.

I was in Jersey last week. It rocked socks. I adore my family. As if you didn't know that. A gratuitous photo...



My Belle, Bro and me and the infamous grandchild trifecta. And you know what? I know, or at least I'm pretty sure, I'm using the term trifecta incorrectly. But I don't have the heart to look up the definition because it just sounds so fucking cool. If anyone feels the need to correct me, though, I promise not to cry. I wore my big girl panties today. And they're not twisted or anything. I might still carry on in blissful, feigned ignorance if you do correct me. Just a warning.

Well, it's still fucking snowing. Dammit. I'm out. To make snow angels. Hopefully the last of the season. Yah. Sure. As if. This is the Rocky Mountains after all.

Probably Won't Find This First in the Baby Books...

Zee Baby went to her first Gay Pride Rally...




We went to a rally organized by the local high school here in support of gay rights and in honor of the Day of Silence.

Most importantly we wanted to support our friends' son who, as a Senior in high school, just came out. When I was in high school, I got all bitter about all of the things that happened to rhyme with 'Zube' and the fact that my classmates were literary geniuses (geniui?) in poetry. Booby, dooby, booty, you get the picture. Come to find out, I had it easy.

Anyway, I'd love for you all to send my friends' son some loving, supportive vibes right now...'cause those are the best kind. It might be nice if you expressed them here. I'm not one to beg for comments but sometimes when you do something hard it's nice to know that people are supporting you, out there thinking you're tough as shit and all...I should know. I'd like, if possible, to give him visible proof of just how much he rocks.

I want to thank him for speaking tonight at the rally. And for taking a step toward making the world my daughter grows up in a better, more accepting place. I want her to know that she'll be accepted for who she is, no matter who she loves, and without people like him today, that might not happen tomorrow.

Chris, I'm proud of you, kid.

Come On...

The DHL guy stopped by some moments ago and saw my coworker and I in the back office(during the ski sesason we usually close the blinds so we don't get random skiers walking in looking for the front desk, but since the ski resort is mother-fucking closed, WOOT! we're letting in the light). Anyhow, seeing as how A (coworker) and I were sitting there, he decided to walk right in rather than passing us by on his way to the front desk...

DHL Guy: Hey, I saw you guys sitting here, so I hope you don't mind...

A: Eh, you just wanted to come in my back door.

He promptly turned around and walked out and met us at the front desk.

Has anyone seen my shit? I seem to have lost it.

Also, I'm going to be rocking a new look around here. I'm in dire need of a breath of fresh air, figuratively speaking.

I Got Your Back...

...'Cause that's how I roll.

So, in a nutshell (a nutshell about as big as your frackin' head, mind you) here's the deal with Zee Baby. And why I'm a little worried. Or maybe I'm just worried that I should be worried. I'm not exactly sure about anything but that there is worry involved. Somehow.

You may remember that Zee Baby was born by c-section because she was breech. And had been breech for a REALLY long time. I remember the doctors telling me from 26 weeks on, "Oh, the baby has plenty of time to turn," each time I had an ultrasound and she had her hiney aimed down the chute. They were singing a different song by 36 weeks and at 37 weeks we scheduled a c-section for 39 weeks, only she decided all on her own to be borned at 38 weeks. (For some reason I just started singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall in my head...)

She was kind of weirdly jacked up in there. Her left leg sort of scrunched up under and behind her tush and her right leg straight up in front of her face. I've drawn a picture of her in utero...



...which will probably leave you even more confused than my description alone did. So to give you, perhaps, a better idea, this is what she looked like just moments after emerging all Alien-Style from mah belly...



...Okay, first, AWWWWWW! Ahem. Now that that's out of the way.

In the nursery the nurses called her The Ballerina because whenever she was released from the vice-like grip of The Hospital Blanket Burrito Wrap, her little legs defaulted to that position. And, while changing her diaper, they'd opine about how she looked as though she were mid-leap in a performace, lacking only the ballet slippers.

Anywho, I wouldn't be so concerned about Zee's love for sitting and loathe for crawling but for that whole breech thing. And for the fact that she was in the same position for almost three months. And we've also noticed recently that...






She STILL seems to default to that position. And having noticed that while looking through pictures, I guess I'm just a little concerned that maybe, just maybe, being in that position for so long, in addition to looking REALLY fucking uncomfortable, might have actually messed with her little baby muscles some. You know? And maybe it's something we shouldn't ignore or brush off as 'in her own time' and all that.

Or maybe, just maybe, she's just happy to sit and throw her board books around already and she'll crawl when she damn well pleases! I mean, really, what's the damn use in crawling anyway? Who crawls? I know I haven't. Not since college anyway. And I'm sure even if she NEVER gets this crawling thing down, she'll get herself home from the bars somehow. Us Zube girls are efficient as hell like that.

In the end, I guess it's something I'd like to look into because I'd prefer to find out early that all's good and I'm worrying over nothing than to wish a few months or a year down the road that I'd looked into sooner.

So there's that...

(78 bottles of beer on the wall...)

Are You There, God? It's Me, Zube Girl...

I miss my pregnancy boobs. I never was a very buxom girl. I more rocked the flat-chested waif look in college. And then the flat-chested chunker once I hit 30. And then, voila! Knocked up! With boobies! Whee!

It was very exciting to have cleavage for the first time. And I'd kind of hoped to keep at least a bit of it. Just a small crevice, not wanting to be greedy or anything. But, 'twas not meant to be. They deflated about as fast as a blown up balloon realeased unto the living room amongst a pajama clad clan of giggling school girls at a birthday party. Yup. I think they very nearly made that same pffffffffffbt sound as their blessed volume did flee.

The thing is, I never really minded being flat-chested. It kind of suited me. And I didn't really know any different. Plus I have a sweet ass, so I flaunted that. But what I'm not too keen on now is the fact that, like the aforementioned balloon in the metaphor above, when they grew, the surface area increased. And when they deflated, well, imagine that balloon again. Airless and floppier than when it was pinched from the bag. I was left with excess surface area. And decreased volume. So now, I've got small, saggy boobs. And that's just totally unfair.*

I always said that I thought implants are stupid, but I gotta tell you that I can understand a teeny bit why some women get them after they're done having their kids. Just sayin'.

Also, I can't even tell you all how much I've appreciated your comments regarding Zee Baby over here. Many, many thanks. That said, we're a bit worried about Zee Baby. And her non-crawling-ness. Not in any 'comparing my baby to other people's babies' way. But we're actually looking into seeing if there may be a real problem. I'm not exactly in the headspace to get into it right now, so more on that later. But just know that you're good thoughts, healthy hips and legs vibes would be much appreciated right now.

Peace out...

*DISCLAIMER- I hope you all know that when I bitch about ANYTHING pregnancy related, it is just, well, bitching. And I wouldn't trade my current state for the world. I sometimes feel guilty bitching. But, you know, that's what I do here half the time. So, yeah...

Pinked Out

I like to pretend Zee Baby likes dinosaurs.






But really, I like dinosaurs.

I'm totally not all pinky-pinky girly-girl and I dress Zee in all of the wonderful colors of the rainbow. I'm not morally opposed to pink. It's a cool color. But sometimes it seems like the only color out there for girls clothes. So, I find myself shopping, as you'll notice above, in the boy's section. Eh well.

That said, I think it's kind of funny that her most favoritest blanket in the world that she sleeps with every night? Is this pink silky number with a shoe and a tiara on it that says, "I'm a Princess."

Ha! I'm hoping she'll be a happy blend of both Tomboy and Princess. That'll work.

Boredom...

I made a present for my honey and I thought I'd share it with you. Just a warning...You do not want to play the video if you're at work. The song is a little, erm, offensive. Just sayin'.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

He Pisses on Kisses. I Pass on Pissed Kisses.

The Scene: I'm downstairs in the office, Zube Boy is upstairs in bed (still not feeling on the up and up). From the office, I cannot hear him squawking.

After a while I hear the tell-tale creaking of the stairs, foreshadowing the imminent arrival of my pajamified husband.

Z-Boy: *heads into the bathroom* Honey?!

Z-Girl: Yes, dear?

Z-Boy: Oh, what are you doing in there?

Z-Girl: Playing on the computer.

Z-Boy: Well, I've been blowing you kisses down the stairs forever now because I thought you were in the living room. I just came down and the kisses were all stuck at the bottom of the steps.

Z-Girl: Why don't you tell them to come over here? Oh wait! Here they come, marching in the office door!

Z-Boy: Nope. Nope. That's definitely not them.

Z-Girl: How do you know?

Z-Boy: Because I picked them all up and threw 'em in the toilet when I came in here.

Z-Girl: And now you're peeing on them?

Z-Boy: Yup.

Z-Girl: That's...nice.

PS - There are some DAMN funny comments here if you're so inclined to take a peek.

Thinking Out Loud

HO. LY. SHIT. Zube Boy and I just got our asses handed to us. We caught a bug. Zee had it, too, but she is apparently less of a baby than any of the other human members of this household. I literally had an hour or so where I felt so desparate I almost called my work to ask someone, anyone, to come over and take Zee for a bit. I couldn't stand up without puking. We muddled through, and all is well now, but we're still feeling the repurcussions of 36 hours of nothing in, everything out. And though I've always yearned for a nice, roomy bathroom, I am now thankful for the tiny bathroom in our house. Thoughtful of it to have the bathtub so strategically placed right next to the toilet.

Whew. So, now that we've got the oversharing out of the way, I'm going to do some thinking out loud here. I promised myself a long time ago, even before Zube Boy and I were trying for a baby, that if I ever had one this blog would remain MY space. Not MY space as a MOMMY. I swore I'd keep the Mommy blathering to a minimum. I don't know I've done so well with that, but it's what I'm attempting. At the moment, though, I am really, really, and I mean REALLY struggling with something Mommy-related. So I'm going to write it down mostly for the sake of my own clarity and also because, hell, you all have been tremendously helpful before. I hope you don't feel used. If so, kindly shoot me an e-mail and I'll let you know where you can send the bill.

The brief synopsis...

Zee Baby goes to daycare two days a week. Her Daycare Provider, we'll call her DCP, has been a wealth of knowledge in the past with everything from cold remedies to helping ease up on Zee's constipation when she was just a wee little thing. DCP was an ER nurse and has been in daycare so long some of her charges are probably my age. Or at least in college. Hopefully not majoring in partying like I did, but I digress.

As helpful as she's been in the past, DCP's advice is really beginning to grate. Since Zee was five months old, she has told me that Zee has Sensory Processing Disorder. It all started because Zee covers her ears when she hears a loud noise. She's not a big huge fan of the vacuum. I've taken in all DCP has to say, done some research (that site linked above is a good one), and really sat with my thoughts on this. I've concluded that I really don't FEEL anything is wrong with Zee. I just don't. I think I'd know if something was up. And I also don't think I'm being all "not MY baby!" because as we've all learned here, I'm well aware I'm not immune to being on the small side of heaping odds. And their are so many conditions out there that to me sometimes it's amazing most kids are healthy. So I don't think I'm in denial.

What sealed the deal for me was when I approached my doctor with DCP's concerns, he knew her by name, rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, she had a couple come in here CONVINCED their child had Sensory Processing Disorder because he wouldn't wear a hat. It took me an hour to get them to believe that some children just don't like hats." He asked if Zube Boy and I were concerned. We honestly admitted that our biggest concern was DCP's 'diagnosis' but that we didn't feel anything was wrong. The doctor pretty much said, "Zee is fine. She's interactive here with me, smiley, doesn't mind being touched...I've had one child in my practice officially diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and you could tell that something was a little off. Don't worry. If you're ever concerned, let me know and we'll revisit the idea."

Case closed. Or so I thought.

So, where I am now...

Ugh. Basically, I have another daycare option come June. Nothing until then. But DCP keeps bringing up this diagnosis and reminding me that the earlier we deal with it, the better it will be for Zee. She also, and I don't know if this is on purpose, but she'll show me some of what the other kids are doing that Zee isn't doing yet. Not in a comparative way but in a, "Look at so-and-so, almost walking at 10 months!" Zee's not crawling. She's 10 and 1/2 months old. And I'll to tell you I'm the biggest proponent of All. Kids. Have. Their. Own. Pace. But I'm not going to lie. It's a little unsettling when your kid is the one on the slow end of those big milestones. My niece started crawling at 6 months and my nephew is crawling now and he's 9 months. So yeah, I am well aware that kids her age are doing things she isn't. Thanks for making that point, DCP. I'm also aware that other kids weren't holding their own bottle at 6 months and feeding themselves cheerios all pincer-style at 8. So Zee has been in the forward crowd, too. I think all kids lag and lead in different areas.

Now, DCP has mentioned her opinion regarding MY daughter to two of my friends whose children also attend the same daycare. And I'm boiling. I am seriously considering pulling her out for the next two months and taking a pay cut at work so I don't have to bring her there anymore.

The worst part of all of this is that given the constant and pervasive mention of it, I'm starting to doubt myself and my intuition a little. A little voice in the back of my head is going, "Are you SUUUUURE there's nothing wrong? I mean, you were SO SURE Zee was a boy, and she wasn't? What does that say about your intuition, Mama?" I don't know. Of course I want the best possible shot for Zee and if I felt something was wrong I would go to the ends of the earth to find someone who would believe me and help us address it. But I don't want to go around diagnosing her with things willy nilly just for shits and giggles. And I think if you try hard enough in any case, you'll find something wrong with everyone. Hell, it's what makes humans so god-damned interesting.

But I don't want my 'All Kids Are Different' mantra to do a disservice to Zee. So, for the sake of being all facty and diagnostic, below I've pinched a list of symtoms from the site I linked to above. I've highlighted in red the ones that might apply to Zee, and I'm even being a little liberal. Not all are true in all cases. I've added notes where I deem applicable in blue. Here they are:

Sensory Processing Disorder Symptom Checklist For Infants &Toddlers
__ Resists being held or cuddled
__ Cries and/or arches back when people try to hold him/her
__ Distressed by diaper changes
__ Distressed by baths and/or water splashing on him/her
__ Doesn't fall into a predictable sleep/wake pattern or cycle
__ Cries excessively throughout the day (more than a half hour or hour at a time)
__ Doesn't smile often, appears “sad” or “uncomfortable” much of the time
__ Has distinct preferences for adults of certain energy levels or voices (i.e., intonation, loudness, high pitched, low pitched, etc.)
__ Avoids eye contact, has difficulty focusing on objects or following them with eyes
__ Distressed when moved suddenly or whole body and/or head is tipped
__ Distressed by rocking motions
__ Distressed when moving in space (i.e., swinging around, bouncing up and down, or being “thrown” up in the air)
__ Doesn't appear to respond to name or familiar voice
__ Can't seem to calm baby down no matter what you try (or there is only ONE thing that does, i.e., a car ride)
__ Difficulty breastfeeding
__ Difficulty with sucking, chewing, or swallowing
__ Doesn't tolerate new foods well
__ Gags or vomits from textured foods or on variety of different foods (very limited diet for age)
__ Does not seem to sense when diaper is wet or dirty
__ Cries inconsolably until a wet or dirty diaper is changed
__ Prefers to be without clothing
__ Severe separation anxiety
__ Tantrums many times a day
__ Distressed by sunlight or bright lights
__ Distressed in public places, especially if crowded or noisy Zee doesn't like big crowds. Neither does her dad. He just doesn't cover his ears and cry. He has 33 years of experience using his legs and a bit more free will under his belt so he turns around and walks away.
__ Doesn't enjoy regular interactive movement games, i.e., peek-a-boo, pat-a-cake, etc.
__ Doesn't notice new toys/novel toys and/or resists playing with them
__ Only uses one hand to manipulate and explore toys and/or can't switch from hand to hand
__ Unable to bang toys together or clap hands (at appropriate age)
__ Keeps hands fisted and closed most of the time
__ Distressed by dirty hands or face
__ Cries inconsolably when left with strangers or less familiar people
__ Significantly late to talk, walk, gesture, smile, hold bottle, sleep through the night, manipulate/play with toys, etc.
__ Major difficulties transitioning to solid foods and/or rice cereal after bottle or breast fed
__ Can not hold onto or use objects or utensils well for age
__ Regularly avoids certain foods, food categories, consistencies, temperatures of food, eliminates whole food groups, etc.
__ Difficulties with excessive reflux or allergies to foods and/or formulas
__ Doesn't seem to notice sounds others do
__ Frequent ear infections
__ Sensitive to sounds others don't seem to be bothered by Sometimes a few kids will be playing with noisy toys and Zee will cover her ears when they are all going at once. The other kids don't seem to mind.
__ Difficult to engage; is an observer, doesn't interact with peers or adults
__ Apprehensive and/or distressed by playground equipment
__ Distressed by baby swings, jolly jumpers, wagon/stroller rides, car rides, etc.
__ Avoids putting toys in mouth, exploring them with her mouth
__ Baby gags or vomits when objects are placed in his mouth
__ Beyond teething stage, always has something in his/her mouth, or chewing on clothes, hands, fingers
__ Avoids categories of toys, i.e., vibrating, stuffed animals, rough textured toys, slippery/slimy toys, brightly colored objects, etc.
__ Appears overwhelmed, cries, or falls asleep when overstimulated
__ Refuses/distressed by certain positions, i.e., being on tummy, on back, sitting, etc. Not a huge fan of tummy time.
__ Stays in one position and becomes uncomfortable when moving to another; if moving on own has significant difficulty transitioning to another position (hard to do, awkward) She's started transition from sitting to belly, but can't seem to move back.
__ You find you are always trying to be one step ahead of baby; trying to control his environment and “warning” people what to do/not to do so baby is comfortable
__ Difficulty staying asleep for more than 30 minutes at a time, or wakes up frequently throughout the night, unable to soothe himself back to sleep
__ Seems to get too much sleep, very short time when he is alert, playing, responding, and interacting
__ Has significant difficulty waking up
__ Needs a particular sound to stay asleep, i.e., fan, nature tape, white noise, music, etc. This is probably my fault. It's dry as hell around here so we have a humidifier running in her room at night and now she has trouble sleeping without it.
__ Will not sleep if there is any noise
__ Wakes with the sun
__ Can not fall asleep anywhere but home, in familiar environment
__ Needs excessive help to fall asleep...rocking, bouncing, singing, rubbing back, etc. for long periods of time
__ Uncomfortable if not swaddled tightly; or, if older, needs heavy blankets, stuffed animals, or tighter pajamas for weight and pressure on them to fall asleep well
__ Able to switch moods effectively and relatively quickly... easily distracted if upset, “gets over it” within a reasonable amount of time, a favorite toy/face/sound will soothe him/her
__ Excessively attached to a pacifier
__ Never attached to any comfort object, i.e., blanket, stuffed animal, rubbing something, pacifier, thumb, etc.
__ Doesn't reach for or hold toys (especially textured toys) at appropriate age
__ Closes hand if toy coming near it, or drops it immediately if placed in hand
__ When begins to walk, walks on tip toes only, will not put bare feet on ground/floor
__ Distressed by textured materials under themselves
__ Appears distressed by movement; i.e., a startled response, arches back, frightened look in eyes, etc.
__ Does not crawl before walks (or limited/different type of crawl) She's not walking yet, but I imagine she'll walk before she crawls. She does this scootching thing where she moves herself sitting with her heals, so I would say that would qualify as a 'different type of crawl'.
__ Craves movement, distressed if not moving, being swung, rocking, bouncing, rocks self constantly
__ Does not play reciprocally with caregivers or familiar people
__ Frequently engages in repetitive, non-purposeful play with one or two objects
__ Can not switch activities or participate in daily routines without distress when transitioning from one to another DCP has noticed this one, but we haven't. I guess sometimes she pitches a fit when they transition from playtime to feeding time and such.
__ Baby is not understood using language, cues, gestures, etc. and becomes frustrated frequently
__ Frequent head banging, hitting, biting, pinching, or hurting self or others She bangs her head on the back of her high chair. This one disconcerted me a bit when she started so I'd looked it up on the internet. I read that it could be a symptom of autism, and we're not concerned about autism with her given her progress socially. Another site said it could be a sign of genius. I just think it's a sign that she takes after her Dad. Who likes Gwar for crying out loud. She was born to be a head banger.
__ Breaks toys frequently
__ Unable to be gentle with animals
__ Appears uncoordinated, frequently bumps into things
__ Can not focus attention on play, caregiver, or toy long enough to interact (for age level)
__ Wanders around aimlessly or engages in non-purposeful activities in excess, i.e., spinning, rocking, staring at certain objects, etc...not interested in play or doesn't use objects for purposeful play

Looking at the vast see of black ink, I just don't think her symptoms make her anything more than, well, Zee. She's an interesting little tiny person who knows she can't stand the freakin' vacuum cleaner and covers her ears because it's the only way she knows how to try to keep the noise out. She also know she LOVES being tossed in the air by her Daddy and playing peek-a-boo with Mommy. She is perfectly imperfect. The only way I'd want her.

To the root of my question, a question which typing all of this out now has just helped me realize...Am I a bad Mom? A blind Mom? Because DCP and her harping are starting to make me feel that way. Oy. That was it. My biggest problem with all of this.

Thanks all, and I don't blame you one eensy bit if you didn't get through this whole thing.

Our House, Is a Very, Very, Very Fine House

In the event that you all might be even remotely interested in what we've been up to in the past half a year or so, aside from raising a kiddo, working like maniacs, and perilously ignoring my blog, I'm obliged to show you. I'm a little proud, you might just say.

But, before I share, things are looking good on Zee Baby's end. Quite literally. I'd show you pictures of her tushie, but that'd be, I don't know, illegal or something. At the very least it'd be improper. Just know that her diaper rash has begun to clear, thanks to your suggestions.

So, I've gone on about this house be bought and the McDonald's Playground-ness of it, so I figured I'd show you some before and after shots. The before photos are from our walk-through before we put in an offer.

Ta-da...(Because drumrolls are totally overrated.)

The Kitchen

Before...

Yes, in fact, that is a light blue cabinet thrown up in the middle there. For artistic measure, no doubt.

After...


Repainted, wood floor...


Some chochkes thrown in 'cause I'm a big fan of all things antique chochke...


Still have to paint the back door and the kitchen window trim white...

The Dining 'Room' (Being quite liberal here with the definition of a 'room')

Before...


Orange Crush fades to Lemon Yellow. Orange Crush = Good Song...Bad Color. Lemon Yellow = Good Lemon, Put one in My Lemon Drop Shot Please...Not so much a yummy color for my walls.


Teensy baby resting on owners' table (these were taken in June, about fifteen minutes later my one month old had a meltdown).

After...


Repainted window...Muchas plantas...


Still need to paint that window trim, too...


The Living Room/Hallway to Bathroom (Aw, heck, who am I kidding, the rooms downstairs are practically up each others' arses, but let's pretend their separate rooms.)

Before...


Nasty carpet meets lemon yellow...


A tapestry is a good way to cover up a wall covered in bricks that was partially painted lemon yellow. It would seem that painting bricks SUCKS. Big time. It is not a project worth following through. Tapestries are a quick fix. In case you doubt me or my predecessors and attempt to paint a brick wall just know that you should have a tapestry handy.



After...


Not ideal, super tiny, but it's currently working for us...The lack of living space is why, in a few years, we'll be doing a major remodel. That we're PAYING SOMEONE ELSE TO DO. Because I'm plain over the shit. There is talk of temporarily sending me to Jersey while the worst of it is going on. Z-Boy's idea. He's a smart man. If that happens, he'll be a smart alive man. Survival of the fittest.


Just in case you're super fucking nosy like me, close-ups of the photos.

In case you hadn't noticed, I don't particularly care that it's been deemed lower middle class to display photos in your living room...

Crooked, yeah. I know. But I can't be arsed to get all particular about that...

The Bathroom

Before...


Citrus colors dominated our living quarters. I'm convinced that the previous owners were constantly under the influence of vodka and tequila. And their respective citrus companions. Can't blame them.

After...


I'm not a huge fan of the haystack color on the walls, but it's a vast improvement... If you ask me.

The Hallway to Bath and Spare Room

Before...


Because who couldn't use a bottle of wine en route to the lime green loo.

After...


Because I'm all braggy niece-in-law...A chalk drawing Z-Boy's Uncle made us for our wedding...



The Downstairs Guest Room/Office Converted to Craft Room/Office

Before...



Nothing spectacular, albeit nothing completely assaulting to the ocular vessels...A welcome change.

After...


Still need to paint the window trim...


Notice the sewing machine my honey bought me today because he rocks that hard. And I think I might've said a million and one times that I'm SO glad I had a girl because now I can sew her clothes. Boys clothes are tougher. He couldn't rock harder if he had a vagina and was, well...me. Some guys are just lucky like that.



Closet Turned Zee's Room (the most exciting transformation yet, if you ask me)

There are two pretty teeny bedrooms upstairs. The couple before us used Zee's room as a master closet. It's about that size, to be honest...



After...


Orange Crush has its place...


Talk about maximizing space...


I received that rocking chair for my first birthday from my Mom-mom and Pop-pop. Love those kind of hand-me-downs. Actually, I LOVE all KINDS of hand-me-downs.


I'm not one for wallpaper borders but this one clutched me by the throat and said, "Put me on your registry, DAMMIT!" Love it.


My favorite feature of the room...the rug is cool, too.

The Master Bedroom

Before...



Even with daylight streaming through the ever-so-tiny window, you can barely see this room. Sometimes it's nice to move beyond primary colors, not that I'm an art teacher or anything. Thank Goddess.

After...


We've done the least with our bedroom...


It's intended for sleep. And it provides that well enough. So we'll leave it alone for now. At least I don't feel like I'm hibernating in a cave of Navy Blue-ness when I retire.

Well peeps, this took longer than I'd imagined, so I'm going to retire to my tan refuge.

Peace out...